Have you ever seen the Euphoria series? To give you an easy enough picture, I always identified with Lexi.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve long wondered how it is that some people seem to be resilient and do better than others without importing where they come from?
Okay, but how do we get there?
My name is Merry Rubio, founder and CEO of Divadream. I am a psychosocial worker and would like to tell you a little story. My story.
I grew up in a disadvantaged neighborhood, in a single-parent family. Depression has struck, and violence has come in all its imaginable forms.
I promised myself to live a life with great conscientiousness in order to find out how to build a fulfilling life.
I am extremely curious, and I refused to believe that only people who seemed to have had a solid foundation to create healthy relationships could make it to full and happy lives. You know, the stereotype of the perfect family.
I went to study psychology to demystify human behavior. When I learned that our brain is programmable, I thought to myself, here it is! My community has not given me the tools to chart a successful life. But nothing stops me from creating my own path to learn how to build my dream life.
Although some people had a healthy role model and grew up in “good families”, this does not guarantee that they will be aware of how to recognize risky behaviours that could lead them to become the perfect victims of violent behaviour.
You know, sometimes your “crush” and your thirst for adventure and spice in your relationships can turn into tragedy.
Without falling into victimization. I think it’s critical to look at how to build a balanced life. Because it goes beyond social status or educational level. We all have to learn to build a balanced life.
Current trends in social media highlight the need to take care of ourselves and our mental health. And I agree.
On the other hand, it is not easy to build a balanced life when one comes from an environment where this ideal model of life was practically non-existent. We find ourselves lost without knowing where to start.
I will admit that it is not easy to go against the tide. The culture, customs, beliefs, taboos and ideals imposed both by the close family and by the society in which you live make everything more confusing.
Then, let’s be frank, it’s not always easy to distinguish between acceptable and unacceptable. And that’s normal. We didn’t teach you to differentiate healthy boundaries.
When I was very young, I promised myself I wouldn’t have a boyfriend until I felt equipped enough. It was to protect me, because yes, my model was unhealthy.
I knew there were unacceptable behaviors or words, but I didn’t know exactly how to detect them or how to set boundaries properly.
I have given myself the duty to do everything to give future generations a chance to have a better life without importing their provenance.
Starting with a healthy lifestyle, building the foundation for a healthy life in a holistic way. I participated in all kinds of training and online consultations until I became a health professional myself. As you already know, I am a specialized educator and proud to be one.
When I was studying people who succeed in life in one of my courses at the University of Michigan in the United States, I realized that they all had similar behaviors. They lived their lives with purpose and that is what led them to do everything to move forward despite the obstacles.
That’s when I realized that it was possible to build a balanced life, according to your image. Now, we were talking about having the right strategy to get there.
You have to learn to have a vision of where you’d like to end up.
If you had a month to live, and you had the power to make your wildest dreams come true with a magic wand. What would you like these last moments to look like? Visualize it without limits. What would you do? Who would you be with? What would you say to others? Where would you live? What would be your occupation?
These reflections give a good lead on what really matters to you and your core values. These reflections are only the beginning that will allow you to break it down to translate it into sub-objectives and sub-steps that will lead you to make this dream life and your image, a reality.
YOUR REALITY.
This strategic thinking makes the difference between a person who “succeeds in life” and one who moves without a clear direction.
Other people will be able to have a stable life, but not necessarily fulfilled. It makes no sense to copy and paste “standards” of success and expect to feel satisfied and fulfilled.
That’s why comparison kills! Everyone has their own rhythm, their own process… But the basics of how to build a life in your image are mostly the same.
The beauty of all this is that this success will not have the same form or meaning for everyone. It is as unique as each individual.
And if I don’t even know who I am! I'm in an identity crisis!
That's the problem. We do not really know who we are. That is why it is important to know us and to give us a chance to discover ourselves.
However, I assure you that you will not be able to fill your glass half full of water, even if you stare at it and think it will fill up loudly.
Concrete action is needed for concrete results. That's why manifestations only doesn't work.
Focusing on yourself and your little world and hassles without going outside your comfort zone will not make a difference. I believe that too much of this “self-love trend” could reinforce rigidity. And lead us to live in a bubble. And that's certainly not what we're looking for in working on ourselves.
I rather wish to take you to action to discover you and give place to your unique identity, to shine.
You have to understand that self-esteem is a consequence of living a well-balanced life according to your image.
While having a positive mindset is important, it’s not what will bring you to the realization of this life you dream of.
You are your own life project! And building yourself will let you shine, and you will see that you will no longer feel the need to depend on someone to feel full.
For you will already be full and radiant. Without importing where you come from.
I want to allow you to free yourself from the wounds of the past. Learn to live with your challenges, turn these situations into resilience, and empower you to move forward.
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